5 Reasons why celebrities are the BEST figures at Madame Tussauds

Seeing that tourists need more direction, I have written this handy guide outlining why you should only be interested in the celebrities at Madame Tussauds, and completely ignore all the other people, who have probably contributed more to the course of human history than all of the occupants of the A-List Party put together. Why are celebrities so amazing, you ask? Well, read on and learn...

1. They're so sparkly! I mean, sure, Queen Elizabeth I has a crown and a whole lot of bling on her sash, and Henry VIII has all that pimpin' jewellery (not to mention loads of ladies - holla if you a playa by the name of Henry!), but Cheryl Cole has a freakin' TIARA!
2. These people are in MOVIES. Who wants to see boring old politicians, who you can see on the news for free? People are only worth your attention if you have to pay to see them. That's why strippers are so authentic and high-class*.
3. The celebrities are fashion-forward. Doublet and hose? That's so four centuries ago, dahling. And no more of those vintage military uniforms, like Saddam and Castro - it's been done before, and it only works when it's ironic. Nothing suits men like a suit, and nothing suits women like something sparkly (see item 1).
4. People who are alive are so much more cool than dead people. Your friends might actually believe that you've met J-Lo, you know? But it's highly doubtful that anyone would believe in your close personal friendship with Mahatma Ghandi: "We're bros, y'know.".
5. When you touch a fit waxwork, its fitness rubs off on you. Therefore, the only waxworks worth touching are the attractive ones. Sadly, this means that most of the world leaders, writers, artists and even Royals who have moulded and guided the world's recent history are out of the equation. Luckily, it still gives you leverage to try and have a look up Tara Palmer-Tomkinson's skirt.

*Note to any actual strippers reading this blog: I'm sorry. You're probably better than these celebrities. I only denigrate your line of work for comedic purposes. Not like it hasn't been done before.